For a moment in my life...for the past 22 years...my life has experienced a drastic reaction. Suddenly the missing piece of puzzle is found. The questions are met with answers. Misery flooded with joy. My world of black and white is filled with vibrant colours. I can see. I see everything clearly, through my eyes.
But suddenly, it's all gone. I'm back to black and white. I cried. That's about all I could do. I realised it's not about who I am or what I do. Some things are just fated. I'm speechless. The open wound is as big as my body. I'm the fool standing in the rain, in the middle of no man's land. I can't move. I can't think. I looked across the open land, it's all black and white. No house, no path, no light, no vegetation.
8:50 PM
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Big confusion-
It just seems like it's happening to me again. That "no traces of me" thing. you won't know what I'm talking about. Only my heart knows. My heart knew it from a very very long time ago. Am I predestined to be like this? If yes why? I wish that the ans is no.
Why does God choose to be so good to me? I really dunno cuz it seems like "one ****** *'* **** and one ****** *'* ***". How *********...
so much challenges to face ahead. The fear of another major appointment in my training, the long march that's waiting for me, the rivers that are waiting for me to cross and the jungles that are waiting for me to survive.
The fear that everything with *** that might go wrong can go wrong. sometimes, I just need someone to understand "it". But what is "it". i think no one understands.
I can only look towards heaven and pray. I know it always is the way.
I guess only the Divine One will understand the whole chunk of nonsense that I'm talking about. I'll try to make more sense in future ok?:)
